Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Out of the Loop PLUS TWTATS: I'm Still In Love With My Ex

This past weekend, I went home to East London for a friend's funeral. There is no 3g connection in Mdantsane so I've been out of the loop since Friday.
In any case, here is the last installment of Things We're Too Afraid To Say: I'm Still in Love with My Ex

I was in a two year and nine month-old relationship and things were going well but I was also falling for my ex (we were high school sweethearts, he was my first, the one guy I'd truly loved and we'd been communicating all these years). It's weird when you find yourself in a place where your mind knows you shouldn't, but your heart couldn't be bothered and just wants to enjoy the buzz it gets every time he calls. July 2007 was finally crunch time - no more sneaking around and enjoying forbidden pleasures. No more ignoring the call with the special ringtone, no more trying to pretend to be at places you aren’t. It was time to make a choice and stick to it.
I took a good look at myself and this was one of those defining moments, when I realized who and what I am. I will do anything to make sure that I live my life the way I want. I wasn't prepared to be held ransom by the fact that good or bad things had happened in the past. I had a part to play in what happened to me and therefore no one can lay claim to "making me happy." On that basis I made a decision to get back together with my ex. It wasn't that easy but it was damn worth it – eight months into the relationship and we're already making plans to get married. It may not be all roses and cherries all the time, but it is exactly where I want to be.

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