Facing Fear and Finding Freedom

I think my calling is to use my life's experiences to help others heal, especially women and young girls. Our gender, for all its power and majesty is also so broken and this brokenness manifests itself in various ways in our everyday life and limits us from fulfilling our greatness as a generation and individuals. I'm one of these women and my solace in this is knowing that even though I am broken, God has all the pieces and he is in the midst of fixing me. Over the next few posts, I will be discussing more of these universal topics in the hope that somewhere, somehow, someone is touched and a healing conversation is begun.

FIGHTING FEAR
For as long I can remember I have been scared. Fear in my life showed up as a lump in my throat, a knotted pain in my stomach, a chill in my back, a spasm in my abdomen. First fear trapped me in a corner, disabling me from doing the very thing that it made me afraid to do. Then over the years, I learnt to use it as my fuel - fear nourishes courage - as the adage goes. I learnt to measure the things worth doing in life by the fear I felt for them - falling in love, learning something new, going to a new country, having a conversation with someone new. I thought I had conquered fear and made it my friend but it wasn't until I read One day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant where she speaks about fear wearing many faces - laziness is the fear of success, failure or both for instance, that I realised that I had not in fact won this foe over, it just came to the party dressed differently, eluding the bouncer at the door.

Over the past few months, I've sat in fear's claustrophobic embrace, not moving an inch and allowing it to take over my life. Instead of it helping me overcome itself, it dictated my life - what I didn't do, didn't say, wasn't. It was only on the way home to East London, my retreat, when a voice in my head said: 'Fight.' All this time I'd thought that I had to just own fear and that would be it. But owning fear also means fighting it...with faith and faith is greatest shown in action. I know this is sounding preachy but I've also recently made peace with that I am an spiritually interrogative soul so everything I do, say, am must be grounded or explicable in Divine Wisdom. So again, I decided to change my response to fear. if it wasn't going anywhere, then me and it were going to sit down and have a mojito. Everytime I felt the fear of something that commanded more out of me, I surrendered. Everytime a little voice tells me it can't be done, isn't meant to be, won't be - I surrender. I tell it: 'That too is OK, because it will be God teaching us and in God's teachings there is unconditional love, so we can only grow great.' I think that gives me freedom from fear. I know that for the next while, I am going to wake up with fear attacking me from every angle but I pray to remember to surrender, even if that's the only thing I can do at that moment.
I read something freeing in a book called Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, that I'd like to share with you:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR FREEDOM

Life's metaphors are God's instructions.
You have just climbed up and above the roof. There is nothing between you and the Infinite. Now, Let Go.
The day is ending. It's time for something new that was beautiful to turn into something else that is beautiful. Now Let, Go.
Your wish for resolution was a prayer. Your being here is God's response. Let go, and watch the stars come out - on the outstide and outside.
With all your heart, ask for grace, and let go.
With all your heart, forgive him, FORGIVE YOURSELF, and Let Him Go.
Let your intentions be freedom from useless suffering. Then, Let Go.
Watch the heat of day pass into the cool night. Let Go.
When the karma of a relationship is done, only love remains. It's safe. Let Go.
When the past has passed from you at last, Let Go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With Great Joy.