'I have been trying to avoid thinking about how, a month ago, a very good male friend of mine tried to rape me. I have never felt such betrayal from one person in my whole life. Someone I had trusted and thought that they cared and respected me, turned around and did something so despicable and low.
I felt so dirty, like I did not even belong in my own body. To make matters worse this happened in my own house so I could not even stand to be there. All I wanted to do after it happened was crawl out of my skin and remove my self from my life, I could not bear to be alone so I moved out of my place and went to go stay with a friend. The whole thing started taking a toll on my work life because I could not concentrate in the office and I was suffering from panic attacks.That’s was probably the most scariest thing in the world as you feel like you’re going to die and the world is closing in on you. My sleep aslo started getting affected, causing my insomnia to come back. I eventually decided to go back to my house because I decided that I was tired of being a victim.The first day back was the hardest. I was sitting by myself (I live alone) and I was faced with the silence and me. This alone time made me confront what had happened and to think about it. I realised from this that I must start taking an active role in my life, that yes, bad thing happen and it’s not right and that I couldn’t change it or control it, but the one thing I could control was the way I reacted to it.
I could chose to be sad and let the creeping depression that I could feel coming on take over me or I could wake up every morning and chose to be happy.I could choose to be afraid and not want to stay in my house and let the negative memory drive me out, or I could stay there and start to create newer happier memories filled with things that made me feel good and at peace.'
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
(((hugs))) to you. Betrayal is truly hardest to swallow when it comes from those we love and care about.
It somehow depends on where your evolution truly is? 'Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.' Kahill Gibran.
What male sees anything other than shame and failure in physical coercion and confrontation as a vehicle for sexual gratification? Where are true men these days?
Post a Comment